Women's Health: Dating
Violence
How Can I Be Safe?
There
are a number of danger signals to look for in a date that
may be helpful in preventing a bad situation.
--The man does not
listen to you, ignores you or talks over you. This shows that
he has little respect for you and might not buy it when you
say "No." He's not worth your time.
--The man does not
respect your personal space boundaries. If he insists on doing
things that you are willing to do then that is a sign that
he doesn't respect you.
--The man shows hostile
feelings toward women. The jump from hostile feelings to violent
acts is a small one, particularly when alcohol is involved.
--The man does what
he wants regardless of your wishes. If he makes all the decisions
about where to go and what to do without asking your opinion,
he may not care whether you want to have sex or not.
--The man plays
on your guilt when you don't give him what he wants. If he
calls you uptight or a prude, don't let it get to you; remember,
he just wants to have sex and doesn't really care about your
feelings.
--The man acts possessive
or jealous. Bad news. Guys like this usually have a bad temper,
too.
--The man drinks
heavily. If he's rejected, he may get angry and violent and
try to force sex on you.
--The man has a
primitive, chauvinistic attitude about "women and their
place."
You may find this surprising, but it's a
fact that 78% of rape victims know their attacker. Date
rape typically occurs when the woman is alone with the
man- usually in his room, apartment or car - and is vulnerable.
It goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway: use caution
and your best judgment before deciding to drink on a date.
Alcohol abuse can
play a significant role in the occurrence of date rape. Consider
this: 55% of female students and 75% of male students involved
in acquaintance rape had been drinking or using drugs at the
time.
Drinking has become
a popular social activity and is seen as a way of setting the
mood for romance. But after a few drinks, a woman may become
too intoxicated to realize what's going on or to fend off unwanted
sexual advances. Alcohol clouds judgment and decreases motor
skills which may be crucial in escaping an uncomfortable situation
before it gets out of hand.
After an evening
of drinking, the man may become sexually aggressive and perhaps
even violent. He may ignore or misinterpret a woman's signals,
or take a "no" for a "yes" or a "maybe." A
woman's friendly behavior may be seen as an invitation to have
sex and he could become angry or forceful, believing that strong
persuasion will alter her "no" to "yes."
How
To Defuse The Situation....
If
someone tries to force you to have sex, here are some things
you should do:
--Stay calm and
think. How serious is this guy? What options do you have?
--Is it safe to
resist? This is an important question. Women who quickly fight,
scream, claw and gouge have a much better chance than those
who beg, plead and cry - because rape often has as much to
do with dominance and power as with sex. But resist- ance depends
on one question: is he armed?
--Say "NO!" strongly
and with certainty. Don't let there be any doubt about your
feelings.
--Don't smile. Don't
worry about being friendly or polite. Who cares what his feelings
or urges are? This is your body; protect yourself.
--Use the word "Rape." This
sometimes shocks a potential rapist into realizing what he's
doing and stopping it.
--Assess the situation.
Can you escape? Are there people around to help?
--Find an escape
route. If you can distract him, you might be able to get away.
--Act quickly. There's
no time to delay; the longer you stay, the fewer your options.
If
He's Unarmed....
If the man is unarmed,
there are other things you can do. You can fight back physically.
Punch him, kick him, hit him with any available objects and
run away fast.
You can also shout "Fire!" But
DO NOT shout "Help!" Many people will not respond
to a cry for help, not wishing to get involved in someone else's
problems. However, fire concerns everyone and you're more likely
to get assistance.
Intimidation may
also work. Lie if you have to; tell him you have V.D. or that
your roommate will be home soon. Do whatever it takes. Play
on his weaknesses, and play to win.
If
He's Armed....
If the man is armed,
it's best to try passive resistance. Attempt to talk him out
of it. If possible, distract him so you can run away, but only
if you're sure you have a reasonable chance of escape.
IF
RAPE HAPPENS....
If you are raped,
go to a friend's residence; you should not be alone. Do not
shower or attempt to clean yourself. Physical specimens collected
soon after the rape will be valuable evidence - even if you
later decide not to press charges. Remember, alcohol abuse
does not legally justify anyone's behavior, and cannot be used
as an excuse in a court of law.
Seek medical attention
as soon as possible; get examined and treated for possible
venereal disease. Also, you may have internal injuries you're
not aware of, so the sooner you get medical attention, the
better.
Trauma, such as
fear of being alone, fear of men, or sexual problems may be
side effects of rape. Counseling is recommended to help you
deal with any trauma you may experience; at the very least,
we suggest you call the rape crisis hotline in your school
or community.
The
most important thing to remember is not to blame yourself
or the victim. You should never doubt when someone says that
she has been raped. The rape was not your fault, regardless
of whether or not you attempted to do the things recommended
above to stay safe.
Source: www.glness.com/ndhs/rape.html
Back to Women's
Safety: Sexual Assault/Rape
